Top 10 things not to do on New Years Eve

The new year is upon us again.  New years is set up to be a night where everyone has a great time, but unfortunately it doesn't always seem to work out like that for some people.  Follow this 10 step guide and you will assuredly not end up as next weeks Facebook punching bag.

1. DON'T DRIVE!  They could rename new years eve "National DUI checkpoint night".  Catch a cab or train and save yourself the court date.
2. If you are going to an open bar, it is not a race.  Don't be that guy/girl laying in a pool of their own vomit by 11:26.
3. Dress appropriately for the party you are attending.  Don't be the guy in sweat pants at a black tie Gala.  Call ahead and ask to make sure what the dress code is.
4. Don't go to New York unless you have to.  Their are plenty of excellent alternatives to the nightmare that is New York on new years eve.
5. Don't call your ex boy/girlfriend and start crying when the ball drops.  They are with someone else now, and are not thinking about you.  You will probably be placed on speakerphone and laughed at.
6. Keep your clothes on.  Do I really need to explain that one?
7. Set up a place to go for a good after party.  No one wants to go home when the club clothes.
8. Don't be the new years Grinch, who just stands at the bar/party and is and refuses to have fun.  Everyone hates that person even if they don't tell you to your face.
9. Take advantage of any pre-open bar buffets no matter how nasty the food probably is.  Why you ask?  Refer to numbers 5, 6, and 10.
10. And last but not least.  DO NOT kiss the only girl/guy in the bar who has no one to kiss.  The reason for their loneliness is that they have oral Herpes, and you certainly wouldn't want that.